top of page


Diving into Healthy Relationships


Conflict in relationships is one of the most powerful and potentially destructive forces in our lives.  Learning to manage our conflict well can bring peace to any relationship and greater intimacy to a marriage.


Validate! will help you understand the effect that unresolved conflict is having on your relationships and how to dramatically change the negative results into gracious and life giving ones. 


This book will help you learn to love well.


Validate! evolved out of my passion to see relationships grow and mature as Christ intended, as well as for marriages to become intimate as couples experience oneness.  This book will encourage and equip an individual to better manage any relationship challenge they face and will give a married couple a strategy to use when facing a difficult conversation with each other, with kids, or with parents. 


Validate! will equip you to have a Christ-centered and empowered approach to resolving conflict in your relationships.  Controlled passion will replace escalation, engagement will replace with withdrawal, and peace will replace explosions. 


Validate! will explain how you can experience Christ in your most challenging relational moments bringing peace, grace, and calm.








Reviews and Endorsements

"After many years of counseling couples I have come to realize that there is a pretty universal problem. We all struggle to be godly in the testy, heated, frustrating moments of our relationships. We all have places in our souls that are broken, jagged, wounded and afraid. Someone says or does something to set this place off and we tend to lose our cool and start the ugly cycle of wounding one another. Why? Because we have never been instructed in Spirit-filled conflict resolution. No one has ever taught us how to surrender to Christ and die to self in this critical moment. No one has ever shown us what to do to interrupt the thoughts, the language and the actions that bring our spirits under the Spirit's control.


"This book and Study Guide written and lived out by my good friend Bob Hornstein is designed to do just that. Equip a believer to know why, when, and how to effectively navigate the most tense moments of our lives, particularly with our families."

Chip Ingram

Teaching Pastor of Living on the Edge

Author of Culture Shock—A Biblical Response to Today's Most Divisive Issues



"Bob gives us practical biblical wisdom for how to build loving, peaceful, joy-filled relationships with each other, whether in a close friendship or in a marriage. Validate! moves beyond spiritual and self-help clichés to provide real tangible insights for how to resolve conflict and deepen trust. I was convicted as he revealed many ways we invalidate ones we love by what we say and don’t say, even by our body language and tone.


"No stranger to difficult relationships, Bob never dodges our sinful behavior, but instead takes us to the cross of Christ. Rather than moralizing or telling us more rules to follow, Bob points us to Jesus’ grace and the Holy Spirit’s power. He keeps your interest with an analogy to scuba diving that he threads through the entire book. Practical exercises, provocative questions at the end of each chapter, and a robust Study Guide make the book come alive. The Study Guide offers a great tool for small groups to read the book together, and grow in building loving relationships.


"Reading Validate! I felt like I was sitting down over coffee with Bob as he talked me through why my closest relationships have struggled and why the shallow clichés don’t work, and then he gently guided me to biblical truth and practical wisdom. At times, I felt convicted and like he was listening in on difficult conversations that did not go well (Bob provides many sample conversations, both that go poorly and go well). By the end of each topic, as I was finishing my coffee, Bob gave me hope that in the power of God, I could change and relationships could improve. He gives us a set of practical tools to use with grace in the Spirit’s power that if put in to practice, will literally revolutionize relationships, even for those who have lost hope."

Bruce B. Miller

Senior Pastor, Christ Fellowship

Speaker and Author of multiple books including Big God in a Chaotic World



"Bob Hornstein's passion for helping people comes through clearly in his writing as he skillfully analyzes and dissects the root causes of healthy and unhealthy interpersonal relationships. Especially suited for small group interaction and discussion, Validate! encourages and promotes openness and transparency. While Bob's writing demonstrates his familiarity with modern principles of counseling and psychology, his guiding principles, explanation, illustrations and solutions come directly from the Word of God. What Bob shares, works! I've witnessed it firsthand again and again in our pastoral ministry together."

Dr. Gene A. Getz

Professor, Pastor, Author



“When I met Bob, I was making relationship mistakes that I was completely unaware of. In fact, some of the mistakes I was making, I thought was strong leadership. I did not know that I was being unloving and dismissive in my approach to people. Although I was not making malicious mistakes, they were mistakes all the same and I left a trail of relational casualties of people I deeply loved and cared for.

“When Bob began to walk me through these principles, I frankly resisted them. I often dismissed them overtly or I simply patronized him. Bob was not asking me to forego telling the truth. He was asking me to invite people, to listen to people, to validate their humanity and their journey. Because I trusted our friendship and Bob’s motives, I began to attempt to use some of the principles of Validate! and I began to watch the positive responses of people. I found an even greater invitation to know and to be known. I found myself building trust and deeper intimacy than I had ever known before.

“My journey with these principles began over 15 years ago. I can honestly tell you that they have shaped my capacity for intimacy in marriage, my capacity for compassion as a father, and my capacity for shepherding as a pastor. If you truly care for the people in your life and if you truly want to love well, then invest in developing the skills taught in Validate! and you will experience a fundamental shift in your relationships with regards to deepening of trust, openness to input, richness of connectedness and opportunity to truly cultivate life in relationships that were once lost or marginalized.”

Don Overton


North Springs Alliance Church

Christian and Missionary Alliance

Colorado Springs, Colorado

bottom of page